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We all feel fear for various reasons throughout our lives. It’s an instinctual response to protect us from harm. The challenge is to know when the fear we feel is based on a real threat and when it isn’t. Often when trying something new, we might have to take risks. This can result in feelings of fear. Fear is healthy when it protects us from real danger; however, it’s unhealthy when it holds us back from moving forward in a positive direction or drives us into fear-based decision making as a normal course of action.
Is Fear Holding You Back?
Throughout my entire life, I have struggled with my self-confidence. There are many opportunities I never took because I was more afraid of what could go wrong than I was motivated by what could go right. I was so afraid of failing or simply being embarrassed that I failed to act and missed out on good opportunities. Living in fear isn’t living life to its fullest. Don’t let fear rule your life.
I was a rather shy kid growing up – I’m still shy, though it doesn’t always show. One year in high school, I auditioned for a part in the school play: Arsenic and Old Lace. I actually got a small part (Mr. Witherspoon) in the play and spent the next several weeks rehearsing and learning my lines. When the time came for the show, I went out on stage and played my part the best I could. I was nervous when I auditioned and terrified to perform on stage in front of a large audience! I put myself in this position deliberately, even though it terrified me (what if I forget my lines?!) specifically for the purpose of pushing myself well outside of my comfort zone. I did it because it scared me. And it was absolutely worth it. I had a great time, met new people, and felt a huge sense of accomplishment.
In recent months, at nearly half century of age, I decided to go from a ‘couch potato’ with a desk job who never exercises to a trials biking athlete. Trials biking is not for the faint of heart – it involves hopping onto and off off obstacles and doing things I never even knew was possible using a bicycle. For essentially every new move or trick, I need to learn a new technique and skill. Sometimes when I get ready to try one of these new moves, I find myself gripped with fear. I’m not even tackling any high obstacles yet – often just wooden pallets a few inches off the ground – but the fear of falling, crashing, or otherwise getting hurt seeps into my brain. Interestingly, I have noticed other trials biking athletes at the professional level saying the same thing when trying some new stunt – albeit much more difficult and dangerous than anything I’m able to do.
I’ve realized that it’s just a mind game. You need to act in spite of the fear. You will feel fear, and that’s OK. Acknowledge it, but don’t let it have power over you. As long as what you’re about to do is legal, moral, and not likely to cause death or serious injury, set the fear aside in your brain and concentrate on what you need to do. Sometimes you’ll nail it, other times you’ll crash and burn. That’s OK! Get back up, brush yourself off, and try again. Learn from what doesn’t work. Experiment. Practice. Take smaller, more easily achievable steps when necessary. Be patient and persevere. While things can (and will) go wrong, the worst that you imagine almost never happens. You’ll find that most of the time, things turn out better than you expected. As you get used to acting in spite of fear, you will not only gain confidence, but also experience a richer life by achieving those things the fearful never attempt.
[Note: I originally wrote this as a life lesson for my son on February 10, 2018.]