In support of a renewed emphasis on safety in the workplace, I shared a personal anecdote to my team that stresses the importance of speaking up when you see a potentially dangerous situation or behavior. I’ve shared that story here as well.
Given that safety is at the forefront and “see something, say something” is a behavior we want to encourage, I wanted to share a personal story to demonstrate an experience I had many years ago that really stuck with me.
When I was a child, my family spent a great deal of time participating in various outdoor activities – boating, fishing, camping, hunting, etc. So when I was old enough, I enrolled in a firearms hunting safety course, which was a legal requisite for obtaining a firearms hunting permit. The course consisted of reading a book and attending several classroom sessions held at a local sportsmen’s club, concluding with a written test.
As you can imagine, firearms safety is a critical aspect of handling firearms – not just while hunting, but at all times. During one particular classroom session, a number of various firearms were placed on a table at the front of the classroom, presumably to show us various types of firearms used for hunting. As the class began, one instructor started his lecture, while another instructor wandered around the table with the assorted collection of shotguns and hunting rifles. He’d occasionally pick one up, mess around with it, point it at various things around the room (though never aiming toward any people, mind you), but generally doing things you just should not be doing with firearms. I thought what he was doing was rather odd and probably a bad idea, but didn’t say anything (I was extremely shy back then – significantly more so than today, though I am actually still somewhat shy, believe it or not). I just watched as the man got more and more bold with his unsafe behavior. I never said anything. Let that sink in: I knew it was unsafe – potentially deadly – yet I never said anything.
About five minutes into the lecture, the instructor who was “playing” with the firearms picked up a shotgun, aimed it at something on the side wall (again, not in the direction of any people), and squeezed the trigger. If you’ve never heard a shotgun being fired inside a building – and I hope you never do – I can assure you, it gets your attention.
As soon as all of the students in the room re-composed themselves, the instructor who was giving the lecture asked whether any of the students had noticed the behavior of the other instructor (prior to the firearm discharge) and why none of the students had spoken up about it, since it was clearly unsafe. The instructor then spent some time cautioning us to not only be extremely aware of our own behaviors and how to safely handle guns, but also to speak up and say something if they see others behaving in an unsafe manner.
In case you were wondering, the shotgun was not loaded with live ammunition – it was just a “blank” (i.e., lots of noise, but no projectile). As you can imagine, this is an incident that I will never forget. And thankfully, it was a staged event where nobody was injured (or killed).
Just like I struggled with having the courage to speak up when I saw the instructor mis-handling the firearms, I would encourage all of you to speak up if you see unsafe behavior at your workplace – or anywhere else, for that matter.
Only after it was too late did I realize that the despicable yet brilliant serial murdering psychopath had me trapped. While this scumbag had never been convicted of the foul crimes he’d surely committed, I’d certainly heard the rumors, which described how this vile creature lured his unsuspecting prey into his basement where he would enjoy killing them slowly while they suffered, conscious but immobile, thanks to paralytic drugs that he would administer. How could I be stupid enough to think I’d outsmart him?
Just minutes earlier, I had found a driver’s license that another guest at the camp had apparently dropped. Being a good Samaritan, I’d returned to the camp’s shop to leave the license with the shop’s staff after I’d found it on the ground just outside the shop’s entrance. When I’d tried to leave the lost item with the shop manager, she instructed the facility’s pharmacist to handle it as she was busy helping another customer. The pharmacist arose eagerly from his seat and beckoned me to follow him.
Remnants of grey hair encircled the bony sexagenarian’s balding scalp, while thin-rimmed glasses framed his aging eyes. He always presented a calm, gentle demeanor that belied his wicked proclivities. While I’d never previously met this pharmacist, I’d known him by his reputation. By all outward appearances, the aging pharmacist was a kind soul; however, the rumors said otherwise. Rumors I should have heeded.
According to local lore, this twisted man used his basement to snare, murder, and dismember his unsuspecting victims. From what I had been told, he’d invent some sort of ruse that would entice his victims to follow him into the basement. Once in the basement, he would press a hidden button to lock the door to prevent escape, then inject the victim with a paralytic drug so he could inflict his horrors upon them unmolested.
As I said, I’d heard the rumors. While this seemingly benign creature had always been acquitted of any wrongdoing, everyone knew that he was guilty of the atrocities I’ve described. According to the rumors, he was not only a serial killer, but a devious and brilliant man – not one with whom to match wits. Why he was still employed as this camp’s pharmacist when the rumors were undeniable, I’ll never know. Yet despite hearing the rumors, I still followed him when he encouraged me to accompany him in the basement.
The pharmacist opened the door to the basement and descended the stairs to the floor below, where various things lay strewn about. Figuring I could outwit the deviant if need be, I stayed near the top of the stairs while he took care of whatever it was he needed to do down there. Apparently the building was erected on a hillside, since a rolling garage style door opened the basement to an isolated dirt access road behind the building. An old boat sat in its trailer outside the door, obviously unused for ages and in need of some TLC.
At some point, something about the pharmacist’s behavior spooked me, so I turned to make my escape through the door at the top of the stairs. It was at that exact moment that I realized how greatly I had underestimated this… man. As I turned, I saw him quickly press a secret button on the wall and then close the rollup doors. Undeterred, I bolted to the door, only to find that it was not only locked, but had no doorknob to grasp from the inside. Figuring I could alert others of my need for help, I tried to pound on the door, only to discover to my horror that the door and surrounding walls had been layered in thick sound insulating material. Only then did I realize how stupid I had been.
Now I knew for certain that the rumors I’d heard were all true. And that I was most certainly a dead man. Fear gripped me as my mind raced in a fruitless attempt to identify a plausible escape. Obviously I could not get through the door, nor could I summon help. And that horrid creature that previously had seemed so harmless, now brandished a syringe, no doubt full of his infamous paralyzing agent.
The next thing I remembered was waking up in my bed, chest heaving with harsh breaths typical of extreme exertion. I could also both hear and feel a frantic, driving drumbeat. After several moments, I realized that the drumbeat was my own heart, pounding in my chest. Finally I realized that this encounter with the psychotic pharmacist had been just a dream. But what haunted me was more than just the memory of the dream itself, more than the feeling of waking to physical conditions that you’d generally only encounter during a full-out sprint. The thing that bothered me more was the feeling that the rumors I’d heard about this evil man were either from some prior dream, or aspects of same true-life crime tale that I’d recently heard. Eventually I fell back to sleep, but I was still haunted with strange feeling all morning as I got ready for work.
Trials biking skills definitely help on the MTB trails in a number of ways such as riding this narrow rock ridge
This past weekend, one of my trials biking crew and his wife loaned me a hardtail and took me mountain biking at Hurd State Park. I’d only been mountain biking twice before (a couple years ago) and have been wanting to hit the trails again for quite a while. In fact, I think I need to make this a habit. Man, what a blast!
While I’m certainly not going to win any biking speed records, my trials experience has definitely helped me tackle some of the obstacles on the trail. I only ‘dabbed’ a handful of times. I’m sure that my speed will increase with comfort on the bike and on the trails.
Thanks to A&Z for taking me out on the trail, loaning me a cool MTB, and filming me with the follow cam. You guys rock!
Whether chasing a challenging goal or just trying to accomplish a mundane ‘everyday’ task, just taking the first step is often one of the most difficult hurdles to overcome. Regardless of whether the obstacle is fear (of success or failure), lack of motivation, lack of information, or any other myriad reasons, the only way to get through is to move forward.
While the fact that you have to actually do something to get started seems intuitively obvious, it still helps to be reminded. Plus, knowing something and actually doing it are two different things. Lately I have been reading books like a crazy person. A number of the books I have read recently, as well as some I have read in years past, explicitly address the importance of just getting started, offering techniques to overcome the inertia of inaction. My own experience aligns with what I’ve read, in both my professional and personal life.
What Do the ‘Experts’ Say About Getting Started?
Here are some books that you may want to read that cover various aspects of getting started. Each of these books addresses different pieces of the puzzle. I have found that there is no panacea, no ‘one-size-fits-all’ method for improving any aspect of life and productivity is no exception. Reading multiple books and studying a variety of systems provides a diverse set of perspectives and techniques from which you can synthesize the techniques that work best for you.
Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work That Matters, by Jon Acuff (Theme: Always be starting)
Atomic Habits: an Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones, by James Clear (Theme: Create positive, manageable, “low-friction” habits to overcome inertia and build sustainable momentum)
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, by Steven Pressfield (Theme: Overcome The Resistance, which is always fighting to hold you back and keep you from starting, particularly with creative works)
Just Start: Take Action, Embrace Uncertainty, Create the Future, by Leonard A. Schlesinger and Charles F. Kiefer (Theme: Use low-risk experiments and small steps to adapt to new/unknown types of work, learning from low-consequence failures)
Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time, by Brian Tracy (Theme: Leverage various techniques to overcome procrastination and get going; start with the most ‘distasteful’ thing to get that out of the way up front)
Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity, by David Allen (Theme: Identify the specific next action to overcome lack of action caused by ambiguity)
Practical Examples
A handful of personal examples come to mind with respect to getting started. I’m sure there are many more, but these are fairly poignant.
As an engineering supervisor, I have had employees who struggled with making progress on their assignments – in fact, they specifically struggled with getting started. After several discussions with me regarding their assignments, they still appeared to be stuck. In these cases, I explained that I was not going to judge them for imperfection of works in progress. Next, I told them that I could not help them unless they picked a direction and started moving. Once they started doing something (anything !), then I could provide coaching and support; however, as the saying goes, “you can’t steer a parked car.” This approach usually helps.
Examples abound in everyday life as well. For example, there are weekends when either the weather isn’t very inviting or I’m just not particularly motivated, but I should be riding my trials bike. Not out of duty (it’s certainly not drudgery!), but because I love trials and because you only get better by riding more. After realizing that I’m just fighting my own internal resistance, I usually try a very simple technique: just begin doing something related to getting outside to ride my bike. Usually I going to my bureau and start taking out the clothes I will ride in. After that, I change into those clothes. Then maybe I’ll get the GoPro ready, get a bottle of water, and so on. The key is to start by doing a very easy activity that moves me toward my objective. When that activity is complete, I start another.
After the inertia of starting has been overcome, sustaining momentum to keep going gets easier. It’s much less difficult to keep moving than it is to start. Once you realize this fact, practice building self-awareness so that you can recognize and identify your source of resistance, and overcome it by just getting started. Study strategies and tactics discussed in the aforementioned books and any other sources that you find. Leverage what they have learned, and tailor your personalized approach through experimentation.
In an instant, my world turned upside down. For all I knew, my son – our only child – was dying in my arms. It was Christmas Day, 2018. Only minutes earlier we’d eaten breakfast after opening our gifts, but now my son was non-responsive, convulsing, gurgling, and frothing at the mouth. He complained of stomach discomfort after breakfast, but that was certainly no cause for alarm. Though gripped with fear and terror, I fought to remain calm and focused to ensure that I could make good decisions and avoid making the situation worse. Immediately I yelled to my wife to call 911 while I positioned my son to avoid injury during his seizure. I literally thought to myself, “is my child going to die in my arms?” Finally, after an agonizing minute or two that seemed like an eternity, my son’s body relaxed and he began to become aware of his surroundings once again. Soon after, the ambulance arrived.
After our son was rushed to the nearest emergency clinic, a CAT scan revealed a large abnormality in his brain – what appeared to be a large cyst, about 2 inches in diameter. Based on the results of the CAT scan, our son was then transported by ambulance to the hospital. An MRI confirmed that the abnormality was indeed a cyst. Surgery was scheduled to cut drainage slits (fenestrations) in the cyst membrane to allow the spinal fluid to naturally reabsorb.
Having any surgery can produce anxiety, but this wasn’t just any surgery – it literally was brain surgery: cut a hole in the skull and poke instruments into the brain. It’s not something I’d want to go through, and it sure as hell wasn’t something I wanted my child to have to endure. Not only that, but we had to wait a week for an opening in the hospital’s surgery schedule. I wrote down some of my thoughts and feelings during this time. On the day of surgery, I wrote:
"9:20 am: Getting ready to leave for the hospital for [my son’s] surgery. I'm feeling very anxious. Almost hard to breathe at times. Everything is expected to go well, but still very nerve-wracking. Trying to remain calm and appear calm to avoid freaking out everyone else. I hate this waiting. Just want it to be over."
After the surgery was complete, the surgeon met with us while my son was recovering in the intensive care unit. He was in a lot of pain, and on strong antibiotics that caused extreme discomfort. Unfortunately, when they entered my son’s brain, what they initially encountered was not what they had expected based on the MRI. A new game plan would be formulated and another surgery was scheduled.
Thankfully, the second surgery went as expected. The neurosurgeon told us that the prognosis was good and that the permanent success rate of this type of procedure was approximately 90%. Soon my son was released from the hospital. Over the coming months, the incision healed and the subsequent MRIs indicated that the cyst was properly draining so that pressure was relieved on the surrounding brain tissue. Other than seizure medication and the periodic neurologist checkups and MRIs, life went back to “normal”.
10% Chance
Flash forward two years to December 2020. During a regular follow up consultation, the neurologist explained to my wife and son that based on the latest MRIs, it appeared that the cyst fenestrations had sealed up. The cyst was growing again. Another surgery was necessary.
Since the initial drainage slits had ceased functioning properly, the plan for the upcoming surgery was to attempt using another fenestration procedure if conditions looked favorable for that approach during the surgery. Otherwise, the backup plan was to install a shunt that drains the spinal fluid into the abdomen – a concept that really freaks me out. While shunt installation is apparently a ‘routine’ procedure, the potential complications are horrific: blindness, infection, overdrainage, even death.
“When the shunt allows cerebral fluid to drain from the brain’s ventricles more quickly than it is produced, the ventricles can collapse, tearing blood vessels and causing bleeding in the brain or blood clot, marked by severe headache, nausea, vomiting, seizure and other symptoms. This risk occurs in approximately 5 to 10 percent of people with shunts.” (Source: Johns Hopkins Medicine)
Neither procedure is guaranteed to last a lifetime, so even if a shunt was necessary, my son might have to go through this all over again at some indefinite future date. Or it could be a permanent fix. While the success rates are fairly high, there is still risk. Since having seizures is one of the potential symptoms of failure and my son will be driving in less than two years, this brings a whole new level of concern. Somehow, we often seem to focus on the worst that can happen.
Anxiety and Anticipation
Surgery was scheduled for early April of 2021, giving us four months to wait. Four months of not knowing what the future would hold. Four months to dredge up and replay the events of Christmas two years prior. Four months to reflect on what this means for my son and what he needs to process mentally. The day before the surgery, I reflected on the future:
“Either way, [whether fenestrations or a shunt are used,] this is very stressful... mostly because of what my son will have to go through. It certainly could be much worse, I know. But I hate that my son, brave as he is, will have to deal with this for the rest of his life, because any solution could stop draining at some point and require another surgery, even with the shunt.”
In the weeks leading up to my son’s next brain surgery, my anxiety level increased – slowly at first, but accelerating as the date loomed closer. However, I couldn’t afford to let fear and worry occupy my attention and cause me to lose focus on completing my responsibilities. I still had to be a good husband, father, employee, and leader. Not only is attending an extended ‘pity party’ non-productive, it’s also emotionally draining.
In order to cope with the stress and anxiety in the weeks leading up to the surgery, I intentionally avoided dwelling on negative outcomes or fear itself. Since I often do fall into the trap of entertaining worst-case negative fantasies, this was a bit novel to me, but very helpful. Several techniques proved useful:
Avoid playing ‘victim’: It’s not personal, it’s not all about me, and I can’t change it. It’s not the end of the world. There is a high probability of success. No complaining or seeking sympathy.
Focus on the positive: This is difficult for me, but I tried to focus on positive outcomes instead of negative possibilities.
Talk it out: Especially in the last few days prior to surgery, I shared my thoughts and feelings with a handful of people. While receiving empathy does feel good, verbalizing my fears and focusing on the positive was more fruitful.
Compartmentalize: Since dwelling on uncertainty and factors outside of my control changes nothing (except my anxiety levels), why bother? I visualized picking up my worry, placing it in a ‘timeout’ corner, and turning my back to it. I spoke to my worry, telling it that I would not give it any of my attention. I acknowledged it, then ignored it as best I could.
Fortunately, my coping mechanisms paid off. While my stress did increase as the number of days until surgery diminished, I was able to maintain focus and remain effective in my responsibilities at home and at work. Only on the night before surgery did I lose any sleep due to anxiety related to my son’s condition.
Perspective
Surgery was scheduled to begin around 7 am. After a couple hours of waiting, my wife and I were informed that the procedure went smoothly and our son was in the recovery room. A shunt was not necessary (whew!) and the fenestration was performed successfully.
Later that day, I visited the cafeteria located in the hospital basement in order to buy lunch for my wife and myself. In a somewhat comical twist, the panini heating machine that the cook used to heat my wife’s sandwich billowed smoke enthusiastically. Moments later, the acrid sandwich smoke set off the fire alarm throughout the entire hospital. After paying the cashier, I slunk away feeling guilty, only to be detained at the elevator along with several other hospital guests by the fire safety response personnel. Soon firemen appeared, fully decked out in their fire suits and hats, wielding their firefighting gear. For safety, we could not leave the area – neither by elevator nor by stairs.
As minutes slowly ticked away, the tension noticeably increased in some of the waylaid guests – worried parents of child patients. Like me, they had left their children for what they thought would be just a few minutes so that they could obtain nourishment. I soon came to realize that fenestration of a brain cyst, while certainly serious, is also comparatively trivial.
Eventually the fire alarms cleared and guests were allowed to leave the cafeteria. As a testament to just how aware and caring the entire staff is at Connecticut Children’s Medical Center, the fire safety personnel directed parents who appeared to have the most urgent need to return to their children into the first elevator car that arrived following the ‘all clear’ notice. Due to COVID-19 restrictions, that meant only three of us were ushered into that first car.
As the elevator rose, the two anxious mothers sharing the elevator with me briefly shared why they were here: cancer had returned to one child; severe pain (no cause offered) tortured the other child. Suddenly, brain surgery and cyst fenestration was no big deal. Mere hours following surgery, my son was recovering quickly, with miraculously little pain. His diagnosis was certainly not terminal, despite the possibility that he’d have to return for future surgical treatment. And we’d be released from the hospital later that afternoon. Honestly, I felt somewhat guilty – not only for taking a precious spot on the first elevator ride after the fire alarm (and for being involved in causing it in the first place), but also because through all of the self-centered anxious drama in my own brain, I had failed to realize that my son’s condition could be much, much worse. In fact, for some children and their parents right here in this very hospital, it was significantly worse. This humbling experience notably realigned my perspective.
You’re Not Alone
I don’t share this story to shine the limelight on myself out of dramatic vanity, but rather because, just possibly, you are going through something similar. Maybe your situation is much worse than ours; maybe our son’s experience puts yours into proper perspective. In times like these, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one suffering; you aren’t. I wrestled with the decision to share my son’s medical history in such a public way; however, I believe it is important to let others know that they are not alone, whatever the cause of their struggle.
Additionally, difficult experiences produce wisdom, often forged in a crucible of suffering. Sharing hard-earned wisdom multiplies the positive results and brings deeper, richer meaning to the struggle. I offer the following bits of wisdom from my experience:
Feeling fear and anxiety is normal (but don’t let it control you)
In an emergency, don’t panic; force yourself to focus on what needs to happen so that you can make good decisions during the crisis
To an extent, you can compartmentalize your anxiety to focus on the now
Keep it in perspective: there is often someone who is worse off than you
You’re not alone – whatever you’re going through, others have endured similar (or worse) situations
If this story has helped you in any way, please let me know. Also, if you have gained wisdom with respect to coping with stress and anxiety of your suffering child or loved one, please share what you have learned.
Some of the trials biking crew during a weekly group ride
Hello? Is There Anyone Else Out There Who Shares My Passion?
Several years go I decided to pick up a new hobby: trials biking. I had discovered this amazing sport serendipitously based on a recommended video in YouTube. Since there aren’t too many trials bikers in the United States – let alone locally – I’d never seen anyone riding trials and certainly didn’t know any trials bikers. I asked friends, family, and co-workers if they knew anyone who rode trials. I posted on our company’s internal employee discussion forums asking if there were any trials bikers. I scoured the web looking for anything I could find about trials biking and local riders. After weeks of searching and asking, I discovered some useful online resources, but still hadn’t been able to actually connect with anyone locally.
Initial Encounters
Finally, by sheer luck, I saw a post in a trials biking forum that there would be a trials competition nearby within a few weeks. This was luckier than I realized, since there aren’t many competitions in the US – certainly no organized series of progressive elimination towards a final championship like there is in other countries and different sports. I asked the competition organizer a few questions about the event and he encouraged me to enter the competition. This was only about 3 months after I started even learning trials. I’d never met any trials riders, and had never even seen anyone riding except on YouTube. Honestly, I could barely even balance on my bike in a ‘trackstand’, let alone ride trials. Three weeks after my first trials bike arrived, I figured I had nothing to lose and anxiously showed up for my first competition, having no clue what to expect.
The event was like nothing I’d experienced before. While we were all competing, all the riders were encouraging each other! In addition to meeting other trials riders, I also added my name to the organizer’s email list. Using the email list to notify everyone, a couple larger group ride events were held as well (e.g., one in the fall, one in the spring). Apparently, they had been doing this for a couple years – larger but infrequent group events and an annual competition.
At some point during one of the group rides, the competition organizer (our ‘ring leader’ so to speak) asked me if I wanted to join him and one or two of the other local riders on their weekly rides. Of course I accepted – riding at home and/or by yourself can be great, but riding with a group is a different dynamic. In addition to learning from, challenging, and encouraging each other, there is also the enjoyment of just hanging out socially with people who share a common interest. When I first started riding with them, there were usually 3-4 of us each time.
Critical Mass
Over a period of months I had been telling everyone who would listen about my new trials biking obsession. I discovered that one of my colleagues at work, who is also an avid mountain biker, used to ride trials when he was in high school. Through my posts on the company’s employee discussion forums, I also received a couple of additional responses – one person who rides mountain bikes and wanted to learn trials and another who used to ride trials in high school (also a mountain biker). It certainly wasn’t a flood of replies, but at least I was starting to develop a network of people interested in trials biking. For months I would chat with these guys about biking in general as well as trials specifically. I invited them to join us on the weekly group rides, which still of only consisted of 3-4 of us during a given week. Eventually all three of the people from work participated in the group rides; two bought trials bikes (again) and now are active riders in our group.
Interestingly, I was also contacted by a couple other guys who found me in a Facebook group for trials bikers (our ‘ring leader’ is the administrator of one group, Northeast Bike Trials). I invited them to join our weekly group rides as well. One lives a bit far away for weekly rides, but the other is fairly local and is now a regular with the group. Other riders began to trickle into the group as well – some coming and going, others still active. Once a group hits ‘critical mass’, it’s easier to sustain its size or continue growing. Additionally, most of the folks in the group also ride mountain bikes frequently (I’m the exception, at least for now…), so now there is a larger group of folks who gather to go mountain biking as well.
Now that our local band of trials riders has grown, we have riders at pretty much every level from novice to pro. We have a number of different locations that we ride with a variety of obstacles and lines to support all skill levels. Weekly group rides now continue throughout the entire year, including winter – as long as the snow and ice is clear enough. While for some weeks only 3-4 riders show up, we also frequently have weeks with 5-10 riders (that’s me wearing the green plaid shirt in the Instagram post below).
Trials riding in the US apparently peaked and waned well before I even discovered it, so there aren’t many of us. Obviously, that also makes it more challenging to find other trials riders. It also makes what we have in our local community so much more special. Given how relatively ‘rare’ trials riders are and how difficult trials riding is, being part of this group provides a strong sense of belonging.
Every week I look forward to the group ride. There is a routine on riding day: riders trickle in, greet each other with a little banter, prepare our bikes, warm up a little bit, ride together, then stow our bikes, and finally hang out and chat for a while over a beer before heading our separate ways. During the rides, we often pick ‘challenges’ that some or all of the riders repeatedly attempt. Other times, we each pick our own lines to challenge ourselves. We rib each other at times (light-heartedly, all in fun), but we also encourage each other constantly. We even coach each other on how to learn new moves. It’s an extremely inclusive and positive culture.
Keys To Success
While I’m still a beginner, I’m now in my fifth year of trials biking (already?!?). My journey started with a search to find any other trials riders, but is now shared with a decent-sized group of fellow trials enthusiasts. It certainly didn’t happen overnight, and I only played a small part in growing the group. I believe there are a few critical factors that have contributed to the growth of our local community:
Having a charismatic ‘ring leader’ who steps up to build and maintain an email list, run an online community, and organize events, including the weekly rides (this role is crucial!)
Fostering a fun, positive, encouraging, inclusive group culture
Actively seeking people with a shared interest
Inviting others to join
Sharing the positive aspects of the group with anyone who is interested
Adding variety to the events to keep it fresh and interesting
If you have a new interest or hobby, I would strongly encourage you to join or start a community of people who share your passion. Even if takes a while to find or develop a group, persevere and you will be rewarded.
Last week I finished reading Start With Why by Simon Sinek. This book was written in 2009 – I don’t know how I hadn’t heard of it much earlier. All-in-all I enjoyed the book. It provides powerful insights that seem obvious once you read it… but based on our own behaviors and those of organizations we know, it’s not as obvious at it appears.
The gist of the book is that people are attracted to your business or organization when they believe what you (or your organization’s culture) believes, which is your WHY – your reason for doing what you do, personally or in your organization. The WHY and the WHAT are evidence of the WHY, so they need to align in order to be trusted. People who believe what you believe will resonate with your WHY. If you lead off with the WHY in your messaging, that is when you create attraction and action. When you lead with WHAT or HOW, the reaction is less intense and less likely to result in loyalty.
There are at least three areas the author identifies that can benefit from starting with your WHY:
Recruiting / hiring
Leading your organization
Selling products and services
As he says, nobody cares about WHAT you sell, they care WHY you’re selling it. That holds for ‘selling’ products and services, employment opportunities, or your company’s goals.
Overall, I think Start With Why a great book with a powerful message that can lead to profound results if properly embraced. Sinek provides a number of examples, which he touches on throughout the bool – such as Apple, Martin Luther King, and Southwest Airlines.
It seemed to me that Start With Why probably could have been distilled into 5-10 pages overall; however, the examples and nuanced repetition does help hammer home the important principles. Simon Sinek gave a TED Talk in 2009 (video below) that encapsulates the essence of his book. I recommend watching the video, regardless of whether you read the book. But I recommend reading the book too, since it has additional detail and nuance not able to be captured in a short talk.
Now I just need to capture what I’ve learned and take action, putting it to use. I already have some ideas, related to each of the three areas identified above. Have you had measurable improvements in your results from putting Start With Why into practice?
Several weeks ago I read an article by Eduardo Scheffler Zawadzki on Entrepreneur entitled Nick Cave and the secret to silencing the voice of doubt. While I am not familiar with Nick Cave, I found it interesting that someone with popularity and success can still struggle with fear and doubt. If someone who is in the limelight struggles with self-doubt, then we should not be surprised when it happens to us.
While I suggest reading the entire article, there are a few select quotes I’d like to highlight.
“In his little text Nick Cave explains that this voice [of doubt] is the true enemy of aspiration. A cruel command that orders us to distance ourselves from a possible better version of ourselves. Without realizing it, many of us fall for their game and, scared, we give up.”
“We constantly judge ourselves, we disqualify ourselves, we scoff at our efforts. We deny our little achievements and, without help from anyone else, we managed to fall apart.”
And finally, my favorite quote from the article:
“If you allow the battle to be won by your homunculus, if you surrender to bitter self-criticism, you run the risk of existing defeated and frustrated, eternally punishing yourself with dislikes like a little tyrant. But if you believe in yourself, if you have the courage to fight against the dark echoes of doubt that you engender, sooner or later you will realize that in the process you have created something unique, beautiful and valuable.”
The word ‘homunculus’, translated literally as ‘little man’ from Latin, means a fully-formed tiny human being. Cave refers to the ‘homunculus’ as the inner voice in our heads that repeatedly tells us we’re not good enough. We need to fight that ‘homunculus’ within each of us: stand up to the inner voice of criticism.
A few years ago I read The 12 Week Year by Brian Moran, and signed up for the associated email newsletter. One of the latest emails linked to a short video called “Rethink Failure”. All too often, we see failure as a permanent condition, something to avoid. We fear criticism and judgement – from other as well as from ourselves – and use ‘failure’ as proof that we’re not good enough. Not only is this just untrue, but it’s unhealthy and nonproductive. First of all, things will not always go perfectly. Secondly, you can’t grow and improve your skills without ‘failing’ along the way – just like you weren’t born able to walk or talk. Cut yourself some slack. Instead of beating yourself up, figure out how to learn from ‘failures’. That’s how the most successful people get where they are. I know – much easier said than done. But that doesn’t make it any less true.
Have you ever read a book and said to yourself, “this should be required reading…for everyone!” Everything Is Figureoutable, by Marie Forleo certainly fits that description. The title itself says it all. In a nutshell, the idea is that having a belief that you can figure out anything forces you to eliminate excuses and focus on finding solutions. This applies whether you have an immediate problem, or whether you are stretching towards achieving your goals, “everything is figureoutable.”
In the first few pages, Marie describes her mother, who was constantly amazing her with the ability to solve problems that seemed not only difficult, but outside of her abilities. On one particular occasion, her mother’s favorite transistor radio broke, and Marie came home to see her mother fixing it.
“Hey, Mom, how do you know how to do so many different things that you’ve never done before, without anyone showing you how to do it?”
She put down her screwdriver, turned to me, and said, “Don’t be silly Ree. Nothing in life is that complicated. You can do whatever you set your mind to if you just roll up your sleeves, get in there, and do it. Everything is figureoutable.”
–Everything Is Figureoutable, by Marie Forleo
I absolutely loved that introduction to the phrase that became the title of this book!
There are several things that I really like about Everything Is Figureoutable. First, Marie Forleo is totally down to Earth. Her style is non-nonsense, but sincere and encouraging. She’s talking directly to you.
Second, the book follows a natural progression. It starts by providing a ‘roadmap’ to achieving results using the “everything is figureoutable” approach. Next, you’re prompted to proactively challenge your beliefs and understand that your excuses are exactly that. While numerous typical excuses are discussed, there is a whole chapter on fear, which of course is near and dear to my heart (anything to tame fear is a good thing). It then walks through defining your dream and taking the steps to make your dream become your reality, including strategies for taking the first steps, overcoming barriers, and keeping momentum.
Not only is the book a practical guide, but the author also has added actionable exercises throughout the book to help spur you to action. She has also provided some inspiring stories from others who have used the techniques to push through their own challenges.
I first read Everything Is Figureoutable by borrowing the Kindle edition from the library. Honestly, the title is what caught my attention; I’d never heard of the book before. I devoured the book, adding highlights and notes (I love the Kindle app!). Since I loved the book and plan to reference and re-read it, I bought the Kindle version for myself. Of course the added bonus is that all my notes and highlights from the borrowed version synchronized with the copy I purchased.
It was interesting to see references to other books I have recently read or have on my short list to read soon. For example, the author cites The War of Art by Steven Pressfield (I had recently purchased that book; it’s in my reading queue) and Mindset by Carol Dweck (which I borrowed and read several weeks ago, and then purchased).
In conclusion, I recommend Everything Is Figureoutable.
